Psalm 113:9 He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails....
...that's what little boys are made of.... One BOY and One ??? We think baby B is a boy too, we hope to know 100% at tomorrow's visit! I am 19 weeks this weekend and the babies are doing great. Almost to the half-way mark :)
"Your hands made me and formed me...." Psalms 119:73
"Your hands made me and formed me...." Psalms 119:73
Friday, June 24, 2011
...clothed me with joy... I will give give thanks forever
I have been missing the blog world and all my friends updates! We are growing and growing and loving every moment. I still wake up each morning in awe of God's goodness in the creation of these babies. I'm almost 15 weeks and we found out we are having atleast ONE BOY! Baby B was being too still, but hoping a Coke on the way to our appointment next week will get her/him dancing around.
I told my mom the other day that our 6year journey seems like it happened and was over in the blink of an eye. I remember days-weeks-months when I would think about how looooooong this journey felt, how I would be so sad at times, so alone, so impatient. And although I tried very hard to praise Him in the storm, it felt like the sun would never shine. I feel like the path God had us on was carefully orchestrated (which it was!) and that He knew along (which He did!) that we would get to this place in our lives and the waiting in and of itself would not matter. The lessons matter, the time I spent on my knees to Him matter, His timing matters, the love He poured onto me matters, these babies appointed time for life matters, but the actual time.it.took. doesn't matter anymore. Make any sense whatsoever?
Psalm 30:11-12
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.
I told my mom the other day that our 6year journey seems like it happened and was over in the blink of an eye. I remember days-weeks-months when I would think about how looooooong this journey felt, how I would be so sad at times, so alone, so impatient. And although I tried very hard to praise Him in the storm, it felt like the sun would never shine. I feel like the path God had us on was carefully orchestrated (which it was!) and that He knew along (which He did!) that we would get to this place in our lives and the waiting in and of itself would not matter. The lessons matter, the time I spent on my knees to Him matter, His timing matters, the love He poured onto me matters, these babies appointed time for life matters, but the actual time.it.took. doesn't matter anymore. Make any sense whatsoever?
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
How sweet He is........
Dreams becoming reality..... not only thankful for these blessings, but for the person He's helped me become through this trial.
Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look at the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. Psalm 105:1-5
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:1-5
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
I will tell of your wonders.....
I will praise you, oh Lord, with all of my heart; I will tell of all your wonders.I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High. Psalm 9:1,2
After 6years of negative pregnancy tests, God has chosen the perfect time to give us a positive pregnancy test! We give Him all the glory. We are doubly blessed with TWINS! We are thrilled, in awe and trusting His hands to allow these babies to grow and thrive. I'm 7 weeks, so I'm still a little nervous, but putting all my fears at his feet. My due date is this December.
My heart is still with those going through infertility struggles, I know what it's like to read posts like this one, bittersweet. You will remain in my prayers, I understand your hurt, longing and frustration.
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.
Psalm 30:11,12
After 6years of negative pregnancy tests, God has chosen the perfect time to give us a positive pregnancy test! We give Him all the glory. We are doubly blessed with TWINS! We are thrilled, in awe and trusting His hands to allow these babies to grow and thrive. I'm 7 weeks, so I'm still a little nervous, but putting all my fears at his feet. My due date is this December.
My heart is still with those going through infertility struggles, I know what it's like to read posts like this one, bittersweet. You will remain in my prayers, I understand your hurt, longing and frustration.
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.
Psalm 30:11,12
Friday, April 8, 2011
how much more valuable you are than the birds!
As I eagerly await the results of our 2 embryos finding their home in my womb, I'm struck by the significance of these cute bluebird eggs I found at my moms country home a few weeks ago. I too am waiting, hoping, praying, my eggs will safely hatch.... beautifully implant.... continuing God's miracle of life as growth begins. My egg retrieval and embryo transfer are complete... fabulous results, some OHSS along the way... however, I was right in the palm of His loving hand all along.
In Psalms 139:15, it says My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place... "Secret Place" was such a sweet description to me when I thought about my little embryos forming in the culture wells inside a dark, sterilized, medical lab. God may give the medical world knowledge and tools, but He is the ultimate Creator of Life. Oh, how precious is His name of all the earth!
Father, you are sovereign, may you and you alone receive the glory. Thank you for where you have me. Please keep me grounded while I patiently wait for the big day! Fill me up with your peace! Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. Psalms 139:13-18
Sunday, February 20, 2011
He is capable of things beyond measure, beyond my requests and beyond my imagination
My sweet friend, Jenifer Crane, created a blog Those Who Have Young....... Jen is a God-fearing woman, rock star wife and mom, a hilarious gal and loyal friend. She asked a few of us to tell a little bit about our stories in regards to depression and needing a soft place to fall with other God-loving mamas. It's "a community for moms to find comfort, compassion and encouragement, laced with authenticity, freedom, laughter and love". So.... here is my little blip in regards to infertility.
"And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desires in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose water does not fail." Isaiah 58:11
Just read that verse and absorb it for a moment. He WILL. Continually. Satisfy my desires. Strengthen. Flourish. Succeed. That is some good stuff, friends.
Infertility. That one word can actually draw a tear to some. It doesn't simply read "infertility" to a woman who is/has struggled with conceiving a child. It reads: guilt, shame, heartache, hurt, failure, grief, loss of a dream, physical ache, debt, pain, tears, loneliness, hopeless, depression, anger, confusion, insecurity, embarrassment, patience, lack of patience, wait, sin, unfulfilled longing, burden, regret, etc....
The good Lord didn't say if we would have trials, but when. When we face trials, such as infertility, it drags along emotions that I mentioned above. What a heavy burden. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility baggage for almost 6 years. We've done it all, tried it all and currently in the IVF process. My shoulders have been heavy. Like, crazy heavy. Who am I to expect my wimpy shoulders to carry that load? God is so big, yet I set Him in a cozy little box. "You are capable of things beyond measure, beyond my requests and beyond my imagination" Eph 3:20 Remember the kids church song "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God can not do!". How easily we - I - forget what I learned in kindergarten.
I think infertility issues, emotions and thoughts are only conquered on a daily, conscience, moment-to-moment basis. A counselor once told me that infertility struggles is comparable to the loss of a loved one. The loss of a dream. The loss of hope. One moment an infertile woman can look at a cute bib at a store, smile and think "how cute" and then an hour later, see a cute diaper bag and begin to cry. One week I could barely get out of bed, the next week, I was out to conquer my depression. I believe that He gives us what we need, when we need it. He promises that truth in His Word. Sometimes He wants us to feel our emotions, cry and work through them. Sometimes He gives us the strength to look at a cute bib and think nothing more than "hey, that's kinda cute"... and move along. And sometimes, He wants us to get to the point where we get up in the morning and say "God, I can't get up or smile today unless you give me the joy and drive". Phil 4:13 - I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
He wants us to lay our burdens at His feet and acknowledge we are nothing without Him. I am a weak, depressed woman battling infertility and all the emotions it brings with it. However, my God doesn't allow me to be chained to that label. "Infertility" does not define me. That is not who I am in His eyes. I am His child. I am where He wants me to be. I have this trial in my life because His plan is good. I am lovely, loved and He has a prosperous plan for my future. Romans 5:1-5 tells me to be hopeful, expect His miracles. It tells me I am justified through faith and I gain peace with God through Jesus Christ. He tells me to rejoice in the hope HE gives to me. He tells me to rejoice in my sufferings, suffering produces perseverance, which builds my character and hope. Hope will not disappoint me because HE pours out His love in me, my heart, by the Holy Spirit. God, not me, can do these things.
Depression isn't an ugly, dirty, shameful word. How is it humanly possible to feel the things I stated above and not feel depressed at some point? Depressing things are a part of this sinful world. God's mercies and grace are new everyday, He wants us to ask for them daily. Sadness and hurt may hit you like a ton of bricks some days, just hit right back with His promises... wait for, hope and expect Him to give you what you need to conquer that wall. Psalms 27:14 - Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.
So ladies, get our your boxing gloves... aka His Word. Flood those insecurities with His promises. Take your feeling of anger, for example, and find all the verses you can that will stand up to anger and kick its booty. Take His Word and use it as a baseball bat against Satan's attacks. Give in to your hurts and weaknesses, accept them, feel them, don't be ashamed. Embrace them. He wants us to build character and hope out of these sufferings. He wants to be the one you cry to. He wants to give us wings to fly. Use the suffering as character building tools! HA! Sounds too easy huh?! Find encouragement for today, for this moment, and do it all over again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next....
In the multitude of my anxieties within me,Your comforts delight my soul. Psalm 94:19
"And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desires in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose water does not fail." Isaiah 58:11
Just read that verse and absorb it for a moment. He WILL. Continually. Satisfy my desires. Strengthen. Flourish. Succeed. That is some good stuff, friends.
Infertility. That one word can actually draw a tear to some. It doesn't simply read "infertility" to a woman who is/has struggled with conceiving a child. It reads: guilt, shame, heartache, hurt, failure, grief, loss of a dream, physical ache, debt, pain, tears, loneliness, hopeless, depression, anger, confusion, insecurity, embarrassment, patience, lack of patience, wait, sin, unfulfilled longing, burden, regret, etc....
The good Lord didn't say if we would have trials, but when. When we face trials, such as infertility, it drags along emotions that I mentioned above. What a heavy burden. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility baggage for almost 6 years. We've done it all, tried it all and currently in the IVF process. My shoulders have been heavy. Like, crazy heavy. Who am I to expect my wimpy shoulders to carry that load? God is so big, yet I set Him in a cozy little box. "You are capable of things beyond measure, beyond my requests and beyond my imagination" Eph 3:20 Remember the kids church song "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God can not do!". How easily we - I - forget what I learned in kindergarten.
I think infertility issues, emotions and thoughts are only conquered on a daily, conscience, moment-to-moment basis. A counselor once told me that infertility struggles is comparable to the loss of a loved one. The loss of a dream. The loss of hope. One moment an infertile woman can look at a cute bib at a store, smile and think "how cute" and then an hour later, see a cute diaper bag and begin to cry. One week I could barely get out of bed, the next week, I was out to conquer my depression. I believe that He gives us what we need, when we need it. He promises that truth in His Word. Sometimes He wants us to feel our emotions, cry and work through them. Sometimes He gives us the strength to look at a cute bib and think nothing more than "hey, that's kinda cute"... and move along. And sometimes, He wants us to get to the point where we get up in the morning and say "God, I can't get up or smile today unless you give me the joy and drive". Phil 4:13 - I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
He wants us to lay our burdens at His feet and acknowledge we are nothing without Him. I am a weak, depressed woman battling infertility and all the emotions it brings with it. However, my God doesn't allow me to be chained to that label. "Infertility" does not define me. That is not who I am in His eyes. I am His child. I am where He wants me to be. I have this trial in my life because His plan is good. I am lovely, loved and He has a prosperous plan for my future. Romans 5:1-5 tells me to be hopeful, expect His miracles. It tells me I am justified through faith and I gain peace with God through Jesus Christ. He tells me to rejoice in the hope HE gives to me. He tells me to rejoice in my sufferings, suffering produces perseverance, which builds my character and hope. Hope will not disappoint me because HE pours out His love in me, my heart, by the Holy Spirit. God, not me, can do these things.
Depression isn't an ugly, dirty, shameful word. How is it humanly possible to feel the things I stated above and not feel depressed at some point? Depressing things are a part of this sinful world. God's mercies and grace are new everyday, He wants us to ask for them daily. Sadness and hurt may hit you like a ton of bricks some days, just hit right back with His promises... wait for, hope and expect Him to give you what you need to conquer that wall. Psalms 27:14 - Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.
So ladies, get our your boxing gloves... aka His Word. Flood those insecurities with His promises. Take your feeling of anger, for example, and find all the verses you can that will stand up to anger and kick its booty. Take His Word and use it as a baseball bat against Satan's attacks. Give in to your hurts and weaknesses, accept them, feel them, don't be ashamed. Embrace them. He wants us to build character and hope out of these sufferings. He wants to be the one you cry to. He wants to give us wings to fly. Use the suffering as character building tools! HA! Sounds too easy huh?! Find encouragement for today, for this moment, and do it all over again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next....
In the multitude of my anxieties within me,Your comforts delight my soul. Psalm 94:19
Friday, February 18, 2011
'Cause I got a peaceful easy feeling, And I know you won't let me down 'cause I'm already standing on the ground.'
Ever just feel a peaceful, easy feeling, over something that shouldn't be very peaceful or easy? I do. I have all week. Today is our "Day 3" of the IVF process. I'm excited, I'm a little nervous... not if it will work, but nervous about the side affects. IVF hormones = crazy time. Totally at peace with where God is leading. I have no control over whether or not IVF will be successful. I have no control over anything really. And I guess that's the crazy part... I'm out of control and so happy! That ain't easy for a Type A gal like myself to accept. So, I've given it all over to Him..... the guilt, the shame, the stress, the worry, the control, the doubt, the questioning... all of it. As I drove to the Dr this morning, I just cried tears of joy. Joy that peace is over me, not because I've created it, but because He has. I'm taking one day at a time... the hormones may kick in in a few weeks and my post will be about how crazy I've become, but today is a good day. One day at a time.
And yea, I mentioned awhile back our IVF dates would be kept private, but what the heck! I need my prayer warriors around me, lifting us up, there is power in prayer. I'm so thankful and grateful to my current prayer warriors, praying for us each step of the way. And yea, if it doesn't work I hate to tell everyone "it didn't work". Hate it. But, more importantly I want, need, your prayers. He wants to be glorified. To God be the glory... and if I don't tell anyone, how will He receive the glory?! Baby or no baby, He is to be glorified. His timing and plan is the best. So, please echo our prayers for my health and a successful first attempt with IVF., His will to be done.
God is The Creator, my Doc and lab techs are just His tools. “For thou didst form my inward parts, thou didst knit me together in my mother’s womb.” – Psalm 139:13
Excited to see what this year holds, My Man turns 40, we have a 40day process with IVF, we celebrate our 6yr anniversary and 6yrs of trying for a baby and my girl ventures into middle school come fall time. eeekkkk.
Psalms 5:3 "In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly."
Friday, January 14, 2011
This little light of mine.... I'm gonna let it shine.
Sometimes when my mind is weary, my heart is confused and Satan plants seeds of fear, I can be certain of two things: God is faithful to his Word and God is good, all the time. I am His child and He is for me. He has filled my days with laughter, songs of joy have stained my lips and fruit has been harvested. His blessings abound. Struggling to conceive does not define me, nor does a season of sowing with tears. His mercies are new, everyday. God has blessed me with more goodness than I can count... who am I to tell Him that He is withholding from me?! Silly girl. What I learned as a child in Sunday school... My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there is nothing My God can not do. This little light of mine, I'm gonna shine....I will be a light unto His world, I won't hide under a bushel...allowing myself or the world tell me what's best for me while sowing seeds sadness.... NO! I'm gonna shine for Him.
And I can also be certain of this: He has blessed me with an amazing daughter, a fabulous husband to spend my life with, a roof over my head and food to eat. Hope and a future... Jer 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
"Jim Eliot, the missionary who was martyred in the 1950s, said, “Nothing given to God is ever wasted.” We surrender to God not only what is in our hands, but our hands themselves, which are empty and aching, knowing that even our loss is not wasted. Knowing that God is acting both in presence and in absence."
When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion,
we were like those who dreamed.
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
“The LORD has done great things for them.”
The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.
And I can also be certain of this: He has blessed me with an amazing daughter, a fabulous husband to spend my life with, a roof over my head and food to eat. Hope and a future... Jer 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
"Jim Eliot, the missionary who was martyred in the 1950s, said, “Nothing given to God is ever wasted.” We surrender to God not only what is in our hands, but our hands themselves, which are empty and aching, knowing that even our loss is not wasted. Knowing that God is acting both in presence and in absence."
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.Romans 8:24-25
we were like those who dreamed.
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
“The LORD has done great things for them.”
The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.
Restore our fortunes, LORD,
like streams in the south.
Those who sow with tears
will reap with songs of joy.
Those who go out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with them.
like streams in the south.
Those who sow with tears
will reap with songs of joy.
Those who go out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with them.
Psalm 126
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. Philippians 2:14
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