Monday, September 27, 2010

His love helps me endure. Thank goodness. He is so good.

"The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever-- do not abandon the works of your hands."- Psalm 138:8

"Your words have supported those who stumbled; you have strengthened faltering knees."- Job 4:4

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."- Ephesians 3:16-19

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

"Empty Womb, Full Heart"

A sweet friend sent this to me. So glad to see churches are addressing this struggle. Pastor Gregg Matte did a great job.

Check out this sermon from First Baptist Church Houston - Part Three Empty Womb, Full Heart.
May 23, 2010

Psalm 113

 1 Praise the LORD. [a]
       Praise, O servants of the LORD,
       praise the name of the LORD.
 2 Let the name of the LORD be praised,
       both now and forevermore.
 3 From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
       the name of the LORD is to be praised.
 4 The LORD is exalted over all the nations,
       his glory above the heavens.
 5 Who is like the LORD our God,
       the One who sits enthroned on high,
 6 who stoops down to look
       on the heavens and the earth?
 7 He raises the poor from the dust
       and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
 8 he seats them with princes,
       with the princes of their people.
 9 He settles the barren woman in her home
       as a happy mother of children.
       Praise the LORD.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Therapy - retail, professional or Ben and Jerry's

What I learned last week:
1. Stop being so hard on myself.
2. Stop blaming myself.
3. My marriage is a lot stronger than I realize due to this struggle. Don't put this issue before our marriage.
4. My husband and I are actually doing really well, considering!
5. Medicine, doctor's, cure-all's, no caffeine, the perfect eating/exercise regime or wives tales will not give me hope. He will give me hope and He is the creator of conception.
6. Pray, expect, listen, hope and be confident He will keep His promises.
7. Don't replace a professional counselor with friends. Friends can only mentor so much before it becomes their "job".  Don't make friend time, therapy time.
8. It's ok to cry. Cry out to Him.
9. It's ok to feel jealous, bitter, resentful. It's ok to feel. God wants me to talk to Him about those feelings.
10. God doesn't expect me to be perfect. He didn't die for perfect people.
11. It's ok to "try" for months, then become fearful of "trying"  because I've been conditioned to feel disappointment after "trying". I become fearful of "trying" because it has only resulted in disappointment. Sadness. He will refill my empty hole, not a pint of Ben and Jerry's. It is yummy though and I do occasionally partake in chocolate therapy. 
12. It's ok to be mad when I see that I've started my period. It's ok to be mad that this isn't "THE time" I see a BFP. It's also ok to ask God to forgive me for questioning His perfect plan and timing... and move on.
13. It's ok to be happy when I see a newborn baby and it's ok to let the tears flow as I think of what my future newborn baby might look like. It's ok to hope.
14. Infertility is like a deep dark hole - you don't know where it begins or where it ends. There are no words to describe it so that others understand it. It stinks to feel so alone at times.
15.Don't allow my struggle to become my obsession. Don't become addicted to achieving my desire.
16. I actually enjoyed talking to my sister-in-laws over dinner about their pregnancies. It makes me feel even closer to my baby nephews. I felt successful for not crying on the way home!
17. I hated sitting through a dinner with 3 friends that are expecting. I know they felt uncomfortable for my sake too, but luckily they acted totally natural. I know they hate it for me too.I felt like a failure for crying on the way home. Why couldn't I be stronger, like I was with my sister-in-laws the week before? See #1
18. It's ok to have good days and bad days. God is good, all the time. 
19. God is perfect. But, sometimes I find the "perfect" pair of shoes while doing some retail therapy after a bad day.
20. God is FOR me.

The appointment with a (professional) counselor was very insightful. Hubs and I were actually able to laugh a little as we left. The counselor told us that we wouldn't all of a sudden feel better or feel that our burdens were lifted or that there would be a sense of "everything is fine".... but that she was there for us as we needed counsel.After an hour, many tears, insight and love, she gave us a little "homework" and we were off. As we walked out the door, hubs and I hand in hand, I joked as I rubbed my tummy and said "Wow, I'm pregnant"!!! Oh how I wish it were that easy. It may not be that easy and our burdens were not automatically gone, but we did feel better! Life goes on my friends. I encourage you to seek out counsel if you feel it's needed. There is nothing wrong with it. It doesn't mean you are weak. It doesn't mean you are crazy :) It means the burden is heavy, it's hard and it's sad. It means that you are seeking counsel, just as He encourages!

Or try a little of #11 - Chocolate Therapy.




Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed. Proverbs 15:22