Therapy - retail, professional or Ben and Jerry's

What I learned last week:
1. Stop being so hard on myself.
2. Stop blaming myself.
3. My marriage is a lot stronger than I realize due to this struggle. Don't put this issue before our marriage.
4. My husband and I are actually doing really well, considering!
5. Medicine, doctor's, cure-all's, no caffeine, the perfect eating/exercise regime or wives tales will not give me hope. He will give me hope and He is the creator of conception.
6. Pray, expect, listen, hope and be confident He will keep His promises.
7. Don't replace a professional counselor with friends. Friends can only mentor so much before it becomes their "job".  Don't make friend time, therapy time.
8. It's ok to cry. Cry out to Him.
9. It's ok to feel jealous, bitter, resentful. It's ok to feel. God wants me to talk to Him about those feelings.
10. God doesn't expect me to be perfect. He didn't die for perfect people.
11. It's ok to "try" for months, then become fearful of "trying"  because I've been conditioned to feel disappointment after "trying". I become fearful of "trying" because it has only resulted in disappointment. Sadness. He will refill my empty hole, not a pint of Ben and Jerry's. It is yummy though and I do occasionally partake in chocolate therapy. 
12. It's ok to be mad when I see that I've started my period. It's ok to be mad that this isn't "THE time" I see a BFP. It's also ok to ask God to forgive me for questioning His perfect plan and timing... and move on.
13. It's ok to be happy when I see a newborn baby and it's ok to let the tears flow as I think of what my future newborn baby might look like. It's ok to hope.
14. Infertility is like a deep dark hole - you don't know where it begins or where it ends. There are no words to describe it so that others understand it. It stinks to feel so alone at times.
15.Don't allow my struggle to become my obsession. Don't become addicted to achieving my desire.
16. I actually enjoyed talking to my sister-in-laws over dinner about their pregnancies. It makes me feel even closer to my baby nephews. I felt successful for not crying on the way home!
17. I hated sitting through a dinner with 3 friends that are expecting. I know they felt uncomfortable for my sake too, but luckily they acted totally natural. I know they hate it for me too.I felt like a failure for crying on the way home. Why couldn't I be stronger, like I was with my sister-in-laws the week before? See #1
18. It's ok to have good days and bad days. God is good, all the time. 
19. God is perfect. But, sometimes I find the "perfect" pair of shoes while doing some retail therapy after a bad day.
20. God is FOR me.

The appointment with a (professional) counselor was very insightful. Hubs and I were actually able to laugh a little as we left. The counselor told us that we wouldn't all of a sudden feel better or feel that our burdens were lifted or that there would be a sense of "everything is fine".... but that she was there for us as we needed counsel.After an hour, many tears, insight and love, she gave us a little "homework" and we were off. As we walked out the door, hubs and I hand in hand, I joked as I rubbed my tummy and said "Wow, I'm pregnant"!!! Oh how I wish it were that easy. It may not be that easy and our burdens were not automatically gone, but we did feel better! Life goes on my friends. I encourage you to seek out counsel if you feel it's needed. There is nothing wrong with it. It doesn't mean you are weak. It doesn't mean you are crazy :) It means the burden is heavy, it's hard and it's sad. It means that you are seeking counsel, just as He encourages!

Or try a little of #11 - Chocolate Therapy.

Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed. Proverbs 15:22