I have been praying for something in our lives, unrelated to infertility. I was praying one of two things would happen. One thing did happen and I am thankful. This "thing" is a good thing. But, I didn't think about the next phase of this "thing" happening. Until I got the news of a certain aspect of this new path and became a wreck again. This all may sound confusing, but I can't go in to details. However, I can share this quote and relate it to our infertility journey. It calmed my racing mind. It reminds me not worry - or question - about the new phase of the "thing", but embrace the chance to ask God to help better equip me for the journey.
*Our tomorrows pass through His hands before they reach us. Don't complain and worry, but ask Him to equip us for the journey ahead.... the one He brought into our lives*
I pray and pray for xyz, but sometimes an answered prayer leaves me saying "uh oh, now what?". This "thing" that has happened, like infertility, passed through His hands before it came into my life. I can choose to be worried, anxious, sad or afraid. Or, I can choose to feel weak for a moment until I ask Him for strength, guidance and support. I need to be equipped instead of unarmed. I need His help, I need the type of armor only He can furnish. Father, equip me as You see fit, I surrender all. I am choosing to trust in You and your provisions.
"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things." Ecclesiastes 11:5
"Therefore, your minds must be clear and ready for action. Place your confidence completely in what God's kindness will bring you when Jesus Christ appears again." 1 Peter 1:13
Monday, October 4, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
His love helps me endure. Thank goodness. He is so good.
"The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever-- do not abandon the works of your hands."- Psalm 138:8
"Your words have supported those who stumbled; you have strengthened faltering knees."- Job 4:4
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
"Empty Womb, Full Heart"
A sweet friend sent this to me. So glad to see churches are addressing this struggle. Pastor Gregg Matte did a great job.
Check out this sermon from First Baptist Church Houston - Part Three Empty Womb, Full Heart.
May 23, 2010
Praise, O servants of the LORD,
praise the name of the LORD.
2 Let the name of the LORD be praised,
both now and forevermore.
3 From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
the name of the LORD is to be praised.
4 The LORD is exalted over all the nations,
his glory above the heavens.
5 Who is like the LORD our God,
the One who sits enthroned on high,
6 who stoops down to look
on the heavens and the earth?
7 He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
8 he seats them with princes,
with the princes of their people.
9 He settles the barren woman in her home
as a happy mother of children.
Praise the LORD.
Check out this sermon from First Baptist Church Houston - Part Three Empty Womb, Full Heart.
May 23, 2010
Psalm 113
1 Praise the LORD. [a]Praise, O servants of the LORD,
praise the name of the LORD.
2 Let the name of the LORD be praised,
both now and forevermore.
3 From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
the name of the LORD is to be praised.
4 The LORD is exalted over all the nations,
his glory above the heavens.
5 Who is like the LORD our God,
the One who sits enthroned on high,
6 who stoops down to look
on the heavens and the earth?
7 He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
8 he seats them with princes,
with the princes of their people.
9 He settles the barren woman in her home
as a happy mother of children.
Praise the LORD.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Therapy - retail, professional or Ben and Jerry's
What I learned last week:
1. Stop being so hard on myself.
2. Stop blaming myself.
3. My marriage is a lot stronger than I realize due to this struggle. Don't put this issue before our marriage.
4. My husband and I are actually doing really well, considering!
5. Medicine, doctor's, cure-all's, no caffeine, the perfect eating/exercise regime or wives tales will not give me hope. He will give me hope and He is the creator of conception.
6. Pray, expect, listen, hope and be confident He will keep His promises.
7. Don't replace a professional counselor with friends. Friends can only mentor so much before it becomes their "job". Don't make friend time, therapy time.
8. It's ok to cry. Cry out to Him.
9. It's ok to feel jealous, bitter, resentful. It's ok to feel. God wants me to talk to Him about those feelings.
10. God doesn't expect me to be perfect. He didn't die for perfect people.
11. It's ok to "try" for months, then become fearful of "trying" because I've been conditioned to feel disappointment after "trying". I become fearful of "trying" because it has only resulted in disappointment. Sadness. He will refill my empty hole, not a pint of Ben and Jerry's. It is yummy though and I do occasionally partake in chocolate therapy.
12. It's ok to be mad when I see that I've started my period. It's ok to be mad that this isn't "THE time" I see a BFP. It's also ok to ask God to forgive me for questioning His perfect plan and timing... and move on.
13. It's ok to be happy when I see a newborn baby and it's ok to let the tears flow as I think of what my future newborn baby might look like. It's ok to hope.
14. Infertility is like a deep dark hole - you don't know where it begins or where it ends. There are no words to describe it so that others understand it. It stinks to feel so alone at times.
15.Don't allow my struggle to become my obsession. Don't become addicted to achieving my desire.
16. I actually enjoyed talking to my sister-in-laws over dinner about their pregnancies. It makes me feel even closer to my baby nephews. I felt successful for not crying on the way home!
17. I hated sitting through a dinner with 3 friends that are expecting. I know they felt uncomfortable for my sake too, but luckily they acted totally natural. I know they hate it for me too.I felt like a failure for crying on the way home. Why couldn't I be stronger, like I was with my sister-in-laws the week before? See #1
18. It's ok to have good days and bad days. God is good, all the time.
19. God is perfect. But, sometimes I find the "perfect" pair of shoes while doing some retail therapy after a bad day.
20. God is FOR me.
The appointment with a (professional) counselor was very insightful. Hubs and I were actually able to laugh a little as we left. The counselor told us that we wouldn't all of a sudden feel better or feel that our burdens were lifted or that there would be a sense of "everything is fine".... but that she was there for us as we needed counsel.After an hour, many tears, insight and love, she gave us a little "homework" and we were off. As we walked out the door, hubs and I hand in hand, I joked as I rubbed my tummy and said "Wow, I'm pregnant"!!! Oh how I wish it were that easy. It may not be that easy and our burdens were not automatically gone, but we did feel better! Life goes on my friends. I encourage you to seek out counsel if you feel it's needed. There is nothing wrong with it. It doesn't mean you are weak. It doesn't mean you are crazy :) It means the burden is heavy, it's hard and it's sad. It means that you are seeking counsel, just as He encourages!
Or try a little of #11 - Chocolate Therapy.
Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed. Proverbs 15:22
1. Stop being so hard on myself.
2. Stop blaming myself.
3. My marriage is a lot stronger than I realize due to this struggle. Don't put this issue before our marriage.
4. My husband and I are actually doing really well, considering!
5. Medicine, doctor's, cure-all's, no caffeine, the perfect eating/exercise regime or wives tales will not give me hope. He will give me hope and He is the creator of conception.
6. Pray, expect, listen, hope and be confident He will keep His promises.
7. Don't replace a professional counselor with friends. Friends can only mentor so much before it becomes their "job". Don't make friend time, therapy time.
8. It's ok to cry. Cry out to Him.
9. It's ok to feel jealous, bitter, resentful. It's ok to feel. God wants me to talk to Him about those feelings.
10. God doesn't expect me to be perfect. He didn't die for perfect people.
11. It's ok to "try" for months, then become fearful of "trying" because I've been conditioned to feel disappointment after "trying". I become fearful of "trying" because it has only resulted in disappointment. Sadness. He will refill my empty hole, not a pint of Ben and Jerry's. It is yummy though and I do occasionally partake in chocolate therapy.
12. It's ok to be mad when I see that I've started my period. It's ok to be mad that this isn't "THE time" I see a BFP. It's also ok to ask God to forgive me for questioning His perfect plan and timing... and move on.
13. It's ok to be happy when I see a newborn baby and it's ok to let the tears flow as I think of what my future newborn baby might look like. It's ok to hope.
14. Infertility is like a deep dark hole - you don't know where it begins or where it ends. There are no words to describe it so that others understand it. It stinks to feel so alone at times.
15.Don't allow my struggle to become my obsession. Don't become addicted to achieving my desire.
16. I actually enjoyed talking to my sister-in-laws over dinner about their pregnancies. It makes me feel even closer to my baby nephews. I felt successful for not crying on the way home!
17. I hated sitting through a dinner with 3 friends that are expecting. I know they felt uncomfortable for my sake too, but luckily they acted totally natural. I know they hate it for me too.I felt like a failure for crying on the way home. Why couldn't I be stronger, like I was with my sister-in-laws the week before? See #1
18. It's ok to have good days and bad days. God is good, all the time.
19. God is perfect. But, sometimes I find the "perfect" pair of shoes while doing some retail therapy after a bad day.
20. God is FOR me.
The appointment with a (professional) counselor was very insightful. Hubs and I were actually able to laugh a little as we left. The counselor told us that we wouldn't all of a sudden feel better or feel that our burdens were lifted or that there would be a sense of "everything is fine".... but that she was there for us as we needed counsel.After an hour, many tears, insight and love, she gave us a little "homework" and we were off. As we walked out the door, hubs and I hand in hand, I joked as I rubbed my tummy and said "Wow, I'm pregnant"!!! Oh how I wish it were that easy. It may not be that easy and our burdens were not automatically gone, but we did feel better! Life goes on my friends. I encourage you to seek out counsel if you feel it's needed. There is nothing wrong with it. It doesn't mean you are weak. It doesn't mean you are crazy :) It means the burden is heavy, it's hard and it's sad. It means that you are seeking counsel, just as He encourages!
Or try a little of #11 - Chocolate Therapy.
Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed. Proverbs 15:22
Monday, August 23, 2010
I am Third
Three simple words: I Am Third. I was reminded of this instruction at our church kids camp. I went as a 6th grade girls leader. Wow, there are some amazing girls with big appetites for Him. I too learned a few things. I was reminded of my new -working on- way of thinking today. A sweet friend sent me an email with nuggets of wisdom from her own struggles with infertility. She wrote about the steps of her journey that she began a few years ago. I can relate with her heartbreak. Healing. Discovery. Pain. Growth. Sadness. Joy. I was reminded that for quite some time, I've been putting ME first. My pain, my loss, my dreams, my heartache.... One child from each cabin was nominated for an "I Am Third" award. These kids showed that they put God first, others second and themselves third. I had to get on my knees and ask for forgiveness because I've been putting myself first, my husband second and God third. I want what is "best" for me, for my husband and then hope it's His plan too. I've been far too consumed with getting what I want, when I want it.... I need(ed) a change of heart. It took a crazy week at a church kids camp to remind me of my weakness, my sin. I was reminded of the "addiction" (becoming pregnant) at church yesterday during a sermon, I was reminded today in a friend's testimony and I was reminded when I woke up this morning to the sounds of birds chirping. "Wren"... see the post below. God is putting too much on my mind and in my path for me not to grab onto the hope He is pouring into my heart. God is speaking to me! It sounds lovely and I want to put Him first. He has everything else under control. I just want Him. I want Him to show me what is best for me. I know it will be wonderful!
Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:37-40
Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:37-40
Wait and hope for and expect the Lord! Psalm 27:14
Hello bloggy friends, I've been away. I think a break was needed, to prevent myself from reading so many other positive/negative blogs! I needed some time to just "be" and not get so involved with others around me.... and no, I'm not pregnant! We are still planning on doing IVF this year, but I think I'll keep that exact path private. We've made an appointment with a counselor to discuss the toll infertility has taken on us... emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. I can't wait!
God has "mysteriously" given me hope, in abundance. I woke up this morning with a song in my heart. I think He saw my tears for one too many days. I heard the name "Wren" a couple of years ago and always thought it was a pretty name for a little girl. I can see her sweet face already! Over the past several months I've become so burdened with the label "infertility" and the phrase "not pregnant". I was allowing this label to rob me of my joy, of God's plan. Although I'm still sad at times and need some help to work through my thoughts... the negative things swirling around in my head, I need to wait with expectation. Wait, hope and expect His wonders! "If we come to Him doubting His ability to speak, we will have a difficult time listening. So we must come expectantly"- Charles Stanley.
I woke up this morning and had all these thoughts running through my head..... this is what I sent my man at work:
I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart, I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you, I will sing praise to your name. Psalm 9:1-2
God has "mysteriously" given me hope, in abundance. I woke up this morning with a song in my heart. I think He saw my tears for one too many days. I heard the name "Wren" a couple of years ago and always thought it was a pretty name for a little girl. I can see her sweet face already! Over the past several months I've become so burdened with the label "infertility" and the phrase "not pregnant". I was allowing this label to rob me of my joy, of God's plan. Although I'm still sad at times and need some help to work through my thoughts... the negative things swirling around in my head, I need to wait with expectation. Wait, hope and expect His wonders! "If we come to Him doubting His ability to speak, we will have a difficult time listening. So we must come expectantly"- Charles Stanley.
I woke up this morning and had all these thoughts running through my head..... this is what I sent my man at work:
"Wren" means songbird.
Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - Emily Dickinson
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:3-5
"The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches."
Matthew 13:31-32
Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - Emily Dickinson
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:3-5
"The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches."
Matthew 13:31-32
Wrens have a beautiful song that is loud and full it has a excellent speed and vibrant tones which can last for 5-6 seconds and can be heard a kilo-meter away.
I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart, I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you, I will sing praise to your name. Psalm 9:1-2
Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.
Psalm 5:3
Wait and hope for and expect the Lord, be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord. Psalm 27:14
I'm not proclaiming we'll have a girl and name her Wren, but the name and the meaning and the Holy Spirit spoke to me today and I thought I should share!
Congrats to all my bloggy friends on upcoming babies, I'm praying for those still on the journey..... He does hear our plea and He relishes our praises.
Singing praises of His goodness and I can't wait to give Him all the glory when He reveals His plan for our family.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Baby shower, friend expecting and starting
Planning my brother/sister-in-law's baby shower, making cute monkey and frog picture frames for unborn - already precious - nephew's bathroom... making a Congrats banner and assembling a fun baby gift basket... can't wait to meet him. Secretly planning the theme for my one-day baby's room. I just got off the phone with a friend that got pregnant "just on her first month of trying!". Went to the restroom to shed a couple of self-pity tears in private, dry my eyes and come out with a smile infront of my daughter and her friend... on top of that, the restroom break shed light on the fact that I just started. Really? Blah. Is it too early to go to bed?
"I consider our present sufferings insignificant compared to the glory that will soon be revealed to us." Romans 8:18
"I consider our present sufferings insignificant compared to the glory that will soon be revealed to us." Romans 8:18
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