Faith flourishes

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20 His gifts are truly immeasurable.

"He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD." Psalm 113:9

“The desire to have children who are biologically related to us is natural since it is part of God’s original design in creation (Genesis 1:28). To study why people desire children is about as necessary as studying why people fall in love. Both are related to the Creator’s design. Unfortunately, that design was corrupted by the Fall, resulting in human failures in marital relationships and unfulfilled desires of procreation. Love is not always requited, and couples are not always able to have children.” - quote from an online article.

The two verses hit me today at church - one from a friend and one from a card. I love His Word. I ran across the quote online as I was researching some IVF topics. After my "Trust" post, I thought moving on with the empty "baby room" would be a difficult transition. However, I find myself at peace. I have no doubt He gave me that peace, He lead me in there and wouldn't abandon my ache. He replaced it with joy. He may not have filled the space with a baby yet, but He hasn't left it barren. He planted the seed of joy and continues to help it grow. I pray that He would use my hands to glorify His name, that He would use my time in there as a way to speak to me and I ask Him to fill me with supernatural peace and joy. I find the room to be my little sanctuary. My "faith room" does not disappoint.

I finished some teacher gifts - a wooden recipe/photo holder. I'll attach a granola recipe card to the clip and fill the green/cheetah tins with homemade granola. I'll tie them up in a brown bag, using that green ribbon and Merry Christmas cards. Voila!

A Room for Faith... and glitter, paint and E6000

So, as of December 1, 2010, the "baby's room" has become the "Mom Room"... or what struck me as I lay on the floor resting my aching back... "Faith's Room". Some of you... all 2 of you that follow my blog.... may remember the post I called Lonely Rocking Chair and Fluffy Carpet (click to read it). After months, or about 5 years (but who's counting), of reserving that room, I decided to USE it! So, that lonely rocking chair and fluffy carpet have company. I'm in the process of getting an old desk and chair to use. I need space, lots of it, to do my thing... crafts, etc. If you read my previous post, TRUST, you'll see the process of me trusting... living where God has me today. I'm not giving up, but embracing where He has us and what He has given us. He has given me creative ideas and I want to use them. I made 5 Christmas gifts today! As I mentioned, I don't have a desk yet, so I sat on the floor.... hence the aching back. I used to use our kitchen table and it was a chore to keep it clean, glue-free, stain-free and cleaned up before dinner. My Mom Room will be a great place to spread my wings. I'm looking for a desk, chair, old chandelier and fun photos to hang everywhere. I want it to be a fun, creative and relaxing room :) So, as I lay on the floor, listening to my Ipod, stretching my back and feeling happy about the completed Christmas gifts, the Lord gently whispered to me. He said "Sarah, call this Faith's Room.... Don't think of it as giving up or moving away from your dream." I can't help but go back and forth between "Faith's Room" and "Hope's Room".

Here she is BEFORE all the fun furniture and decor. Hoping to post more photos in the upcoming weeks.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 

 I Corinthians 13:13 

Here are some frames I've made in the past... for gifts and to sell.

TRUST : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

"The Word united with faith leads to the rest of faith. Unbelief is a lack of faith! And that is a sin. 'Whatever is not from faith is sin' (Romans 14:23)". Kay Arthur in Faithful Abundant and True.

Obey. Trust. Remain faithful. "Jesus paid it all! You cannot  pay a thing! His sacrifice was sufficient. Your sins are remembered no more by Him (Hebrews 10:17,18). Why are you remembering them? You are forgiven!" Kay Arthur.

After speaking to a Spirit filled, wise and loving friend, she helped me make some realizations this week. This entry is one part of my "surgical laceration" of my strongholds.... lack of trust, lack of self-worth and burden of guilt. Man, that just feels heavy to write. Let alone carry on my girlie shoulders.

Truths vs Lies. God vs Satan. Trust vs Playing God.

1. My daughter "needs" a sibling. I don't want her to be an only child. I want her to have that bond with siblings and future nieces/nephews, etc.... I want to fulfill those possible voids. I want to fill that hole she may one day fall in to. I want her to wear the "I'm a Big Sister" t-shirt in life. God - I know what is best for your daughter. It is not your job to fill holes. It's not your job to look into the future and decide what is best for future generations. 

2. My husband deserves to have a child of his very own. He deserves to be called "daddy". He deserves to experience childbirth. His family is filled with babies that look like him. I want him to have a child he can call "his own". My husband is such a wonderful, good and loving man of God, I want him to experience fatherhood in it's full capacity. Are my sins, my past, my consequences preventing him from becoming a father? Please don't allow my consequences to affect him. God - I know what is best for your husband. It is not your job to fill those holes. It's not your job to look into the future and decide what is best for future generations. I know his aching. I know his longing and desires better than you do. I know what it is like to want children, I made you. Let me take care of your husbands hurt. Let me speak to Him and let him take on and handle his own feelings. I have plans to give him hope and a future. I have plans to prosper his life.

3. I've made mistakes. I've sinned. I have consequences that I must owe. I'm not good enough. I can't make God happy enough. He must be punishing my actions. My body must not be healthy enough. I must eat better. I must be fit. I shouldn't do anything "Google" says women shouldn't do who are trying to become pregnant. Maybe if  I learn that thing God wants me to learn, He'll allow me to conceive. Must do, be and try harder. God - I made you just the way you are. I paid it all, your sin is covered, forgiven and remembered no more. I can do anything - raise the dead,  heal the sick and open a barren womb. I do not make mistakes. I want the glory. I want to be first, not your infertility. You are not, can not be and never will be perfect. I want you to love, trust, obey and long for me. Satan is deceiving you. Do not allow him to make you feel unworthy. Embrace the Truths I offer you, embrace My Word and keep it in your mind ,heart and on your tongue.

4. It has been over 5 years, I should just move on. Let go of the dreams. But, I have this incredible maternal instinct/feeling/desire to have another child. I ache to have a baby with my husband. Hold off on IVF, we aren't feeling lead to do it anyway. We are putting our desires all before Him. I want to make the "babies room" into a craft room. I want to enjoy life - here, now and with what I have... and don't have. God - My timing is perfect. Don't let go of your dreams, allow Me to meet your needs. I can take away those desires if You want me to - IF they are not going to be met. I don't want you to ache. I want to comfort you. It's not letting go of a dream, it's letting go of control. It's letting go of the tug-o-war rope you are playing with Me. It's letting go of your time line, your plan. It's letting go if the disobedience, lack of trust and burden. You have this life - these blessings - because of Me. Enjoy them. Be thankful for them. You have a wonderfully full life - you are where I want you to be. Embrace it. Live in it... that craft room can always be changed into a baby's room. Live in today. I will take care of tomorrow.

5. I have not been trusting God. Please forgive me. God - If it is for your good and My glory,  you will get it. That is My promise to you. You will survive if you don't have another child. Your life will still be whole, abundant and complete. Trust me and you will see. Trust me to fill that void you currently have. Trust me to fill it in a way that you don't understand. You haven't been trusting Me to meet your needs, your desires... you feel like you have to carry the burden and bring your dreams to fruition. Nothing will come to fruition if it is not best for you. Trust me - the unborn child you long for is in My hands. I know what maternal ache you endure. I know the longing, I made you because I longed for you. My Child, I know what it is like to long for a child. Please trust Me to take care of every detail of your life. I want to give you gold, not silver. I have plans to prosper you, to give you hope and a future. Lay the stronghold of fear at My feet. I will take care of the burdens.


6. What do we do? Do we do IVF? Why didn't we do it months ago when we first decided we would? Do we keeping "waiting" for.... what??? Wait? It hurts to keep waiting. It hurts to not know if we should be waiting or acting. I feel like that IVF door is shut and I'm trying to pry it open. Sometimes I want to open it and just walk through it, trusting You will stop us if it's not what You want. But, it's locked. I feel it locked, that should be our Stop Sign. I don't want our Stop Sign to be a negative pregnancy test at the end of the road. I want to stop when I first see the red flag. I'm torn. God - the Holy Spirit is not at peace in you because the choice is not yours to make right now. Wait. You know it's not an easy choice or action because you want it, not Me. Today I am saying to wait. You and your husband will not feel at ease with a choice until the Holy Spirit brings that peace among you...after I bless it. I will let you know. I know what type of assurance and guidance you need, trust Me to do it in a way that is best for you. Trust me to speak loud and clear. Listen. Trust. Divine Appointment - if there is a child, he/she is to come at the best time for his/her life. It's not all about you!

7. I really do have a beautiful life. So much abundance, blessings and love. God is so good. I don't want to take away from all that He has given because of one thing - a baby - that He has chosen to not allow me access to at this time. How can I not trust Him? I can't lose when I do. I have everything to gain. So, today, I make a choice to trust Him 100%. Trust Him that He has my life - my family - right in the palm of His mighty, loving and compassionate hand. Trust Him to fill my longings. Trust Him to know what is best for my daughter and husband. Trust Him to give me hope and a future. Trust Him to speak to us in a way that will lead our decisions. Trust Him to wait for whatever He brings or does not bring our way. Trust Him enough to know it's best. Trust Him enough to be happy with my blessings because it's what He wants for my life!


"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song." Psalms 28:7

P.S. Love this blog http://dancinguponbarrenland.com/

Lord, please equip me for this journey

I  have been praying for something in our lives, unrelated to infertility. I was praying one of two things would happen. One thing did happen and I am thankful. This "thing" is a good thing. But, I didn't think about the next phase of this "thing" happening. Until I got the news of a certain aspect of this new path and became a wreck again. This all may sound confusing, but I can't go in to details. However, I can share this quote and relate it to our infertility journey. It calmed my racing mind. It reminds me not worry - or question - about the new phase of the "thing", but embrace the chance to ask God to help better equip me for the journey.

*Our tomorrows pass through His hands before they reach us. Don't complain and worry, but ask Him to equip us for the journey ahead.... the one He brought into our lives*

I pray and pray for xyz, but sometimes an answered prayer leaves me saying "uh oh, now what?". This "thing" that has happened, like infertility, passed through His hands before it came into my life. I can choose to be worried, anxious, sad or afraid. Or, I can choose to feel weak for a moment until I ask Him for strength, guidance and support. I need to be equipped instead of unarmed. I need His help, I need the type of armor only He can furnish. Father, equip me as You see fit, I surrender all. I am choosing to trust in You and your provisions.

"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things." Ecclesiastes 11:5


"Therefore, your minds must be clear and ready for action. Place your confidence completely in what God's kindness will bring you when Jesus Christ appears again." 1 Peter 1:13

His love helps me endure. Thank goodness. He is so good.

"The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever-- do not abandon the works of your hands."- Psalm 138:8

"Your words have supported those who stumbled; you have strengthened faltering knees."- Job 4:4

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."- Ephesians 3:16-19

"Empty Womb, Full Heart"

A sweet friend sent this to me. So glad to see churches are addressing this struggle. Pastor Gregg Matte did a great job.

Check out this sermon from First Baptist Church Houston - Part Three Empty Womb, Full Heart.
May 23, 2010

Psalm 113

 ¹ Praise the LORD. ^[a]
       Praise, O servants of the LORD,
       praise the name of the LORD.
 ² Let the name of the LORD be praised,
       both now and forevermore.
 ³ From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
       the name of the LORD is to be praised.
 ⁴ The LORD is exalted over all the nations,
       his glory above the heavens.
 ⁵ Who is like the LORD our God,
       the One who sits enthroned on high,
 ⁶ who stoops down to look
       on the heavens and the earth?
 ⁷ He raises the poor from the dust
       and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
 ⁸ he seats them with princes,
       with the princes of their people.
 ⁹ He settles the barren woman in her home
       as a happy mother of children.
       Praise the LORD.

Therapy - retail, professional or Ben and Jerry's

What I learned last week:
1. Stop being so hard on myself.
2. Stop blaming myself.
3. My marriage is a lot stronger than I realize due to this struggle. Don't put this issue before our marriage.
4. My husband and I are actually doing really well, considering!
5. Medicine, doctor's, cure-all's, no caffeine, the perfect eating/exercise regime or wives tales will not give me hope. He will give me hope and He is the creator of conception.
6. Pray, expect, listen, hope and be confident He will keep His promises.
7. Don't replace a professional counselor with friends. Friends can only mentor so much before it becomes their "job".  Don't make friend time, therapy time.
8. It's ok to cry. Cry out to Him.
9. It's ok to feel jealous, bitter, resentful. It's ok to feel. God wants me to talk to Him about those feelings.
10. God doesn't expect me to be perfect. He didn't die for perfect people.
11. It's ok to "try" for months, then become fearful of "trying"  because I've been conditioned to feel disappointment after "trying". I become fearful of "trying" because it has only resulted in disappointment. Sadness. He will refill my empty hole, not a pint of Ben and Jerry's. It is yummy though and I do occasionally partake in chocolate therapy. 
12. It's ok to be mad when I see that I've started my period. It's ok to be mad that this isn't "THE time" I see a BFP. It's also ok to ask God to forgive me for questioning His perfect plan and timing... and move on.
13. It's ok to be happy when I see a newborn baby and it's ok to let the tears flow as I think of what my future newborn baby might look like. It's ok to hope.
14. Infertility is like a deep dark hole - you don't know where it begins or where it ends. There are no words to describe it so that others understand it. It stinks to feel so alone at times.
15.Don't allow my struggle to become my obsession. Don't become addicted to achieving my desire.
16. I actually enjoyed talking to my sister-in-laws over dinner about their pregnancies. It makes me feel even closer to my baby nephews. I felt successful for not crying on the way home!
17. I hated sitting through a dinner with 3 friends that are expecting. I know they felt uncomfortable for my sake too, but luckily they acted totally natural. I know they hate it for me too.I felt like a failure for crying on the way home. Why couldn't I be stronger, like I was with my sister-in-laws the week before? See #1
18. It's ok to have good days and bad days. God is good, all the time. 
19. God is perfect. But, sometimes I find the "perfect" pair of shoes while doing some retail therapy after a bad day.
20. God is FOR me.

The appointment with a (professional) counselor was very insightful. Hubs and I were actually able to laugh a little as we left. The counselor told us that we wouldn't all of a sudden feel better or feel that our burdens were lifted or that there would be a sense of "everything is fine".... but that she was there for us as we needed counsel.After an hour, many tears, insight and love, she gave us a little "homework" and we were off. As we walked out the door, hubs and I hand in hand, I joked as I rubbed my tummy and said "Wow, I'm pregnant"!!! Oh how I wish it were that easy. It may not be that easy and our burdens were not automatically gone, but we did feel better! Life goes on my friends. I encourage you to seek out counsel if you feel it's needed. There is nothing wrong with it. It doesn't mean you are weak. It doesn't mean you are crazy :) It means the burden is heavy, it's hard and it's sad. It means that you are seeking counsel, just as He encourages!

Or try a little of #11 - Chocolate Therapy.

Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed. Proverbs 15:22