I've been reading Streams in the Desert Daily Devotionals by L.B. Cowman for a couple of weeks. Last night, after much prayer of our fertility process, I began to read April 4, 5, 6.... I found myself skimming over the "daily" devotions. I was looking for the black and whites words that spoke to me, wanting them to jump off the pages to catch my eyes. I was hoping to read "SARAH, THIS is what you should do...". Ok, not literally, but figuratively speaking. Ok, no really, I'm a black/white person, I'd love to see His answer in writing. I stopped on May 1st and just laughed at myself. I thought "Sarah, you are missing out on all this good stuff as you skim over hoping to find answers". I may have skipped the "answers" because they weren't what I was hoping to read. I may have skipped the "answers" because I want to read what I would have them say. I was skipping over God's answers to everyday life... love, hurt, trials, beauty, forgiveness, hope, faith, trust, sadness, laughter, family, friends, etc... His Word is the root of life, all areas of life. Every word in the Bible is an answer... how to live, how to love, how to obey, how to listen, how to help His kingdom grow, etc. I am giving God the short end of the stick by skimming over the daily "things" in hopes of finding answers to my "fertility things". It's not all about seeking His wisdom for my infertility. Life is so much more. He is so much more. I want to seek Him... his love, his peace, his comfort, his mercy, his magnificence. I had to seek His forgiveness.
July 18 is the date I stopped long enough to let His voice sink in. "The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." 2 Chronicles 16:9 "God is looking for men and women whose hearts are firmly fixed on Him and who will continually trust Him for all He desires to do with their lives. There is no limit to what God can do through you, provided you do not seek your own glory." God wants us to be completely devoted to Him, understand He is sufficient. He wants us to surrender our hearts to Him... not allowing our "things" in life to come before Him and Him alone. He wants us to fall in love with Him. He wants all of us, just as we should want all of Him.
My July 18th lesson will be one that I will hold as a reminder to seek His word because of my eagerness to be near Him, learn about Him and what He would have me do and be in this life... not merely because I seek answers for my infertility process. I know He wants to guide me and I will seek His guidance with each step, but it shouldn't consume my every moment in His presence. I will miss the big picture of life. I will miss the answers He is eagerly waiting to give.
For more on Streams in the Desert 366 Daily Devotional Readings:
http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/desert/
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